Black Love
by TheDisheartened
Summary: Have you ever loved someone so much that it was actually painful? This love you feel for another soul, so passionate and blinding... Collection of one-shots.
1. Capsize

**No! Don't worry! I will still continue my story 'Ballads Of Love'! I just want to do this, I need to get this out of my head.**

 **Black Love. I got the name for the story as I was looking for synonyms to describe 'a complicated love', and on a site I found 'Kara Sevda'. According to the site it means 'a blinding and passionate kind of love, that it's actually painful to love the other', in Turkish. Also, according to the site, the easiest and most simple translation of this in English was 'Black Love'. I didn't want to confuse you all with a foreign name title, so that's why I went with the English. I just think it's perfect for Angelica and Jack!**

 **This chapter will contain the first of the three one-shots that I'm planning to post in this 'story'. Just like my story 'Ballads Of Love' the chapter will be based on lyrics of songs that I think fit for JackxAngelica. My other story is too far progressed to use these three songs, or I just can't fit the context of the lyrics into a next chapter. So therefore I created this three-chapter-story: 'Black Love'. However, I do know myself, if I find another song perfect for JackxAngelica, the chances are high that there will be a chapter 4-5-6-7 etc… XD**

 **I'm actually quite nervous! OMG Please be kind!xx**

 **Lyrics in** _ **italics,**_ **they serve as the divider as well**

 **Black Love Chapter 1:  
Capsize – Frenship ft. Emily Warren**

 **XOXXOXXOXXOXXOX**

 _Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah  
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey  
Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah  
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey_

 _Up at night  
I'm awake cause it haunts me  
That I never got to say what I wanted_ _  
Oh my God, oh my God  
_ _I'm not the same as I was with you_ _  
_ _I would jump out my skin just to get you  
Oh my God, oh my God  
_ _  
_ _How could you have ever known  
If I never let it show, now I just want to know  
Are you?_

Captain Jack Sparrow was restless. He lay on top of the covers of his bed in his cabin. He was alone.

The thing was, Captain Jack Sparrow was always alone. Just accompanied by a common whench once in a while… He had never been bothered by that fact before, then why did it bother him now?

Jack sighed. He felt nothing. Nothing… He felt nothing but a numb sensation is his chest. Numb… It wasn't numb… Jack was lying to himself. He didn't feel nothing, he felt everything. He didn't feel numb, he felt pain. It ached. His heart ached…

He knew leaving her was the best for both of them, but then why did he feel like this? He didn't feel the same…

Her words echoed in his head.

''Wait! There's something I want to say to you, something I wanted to say from the moment we first met. I love you''

Of course. Jack had always known… He knew women all too well. But hearing her say the actual words… Angelica was a strong woman, her saying the words meant that Jack had really broken her this time… He had broken down her walls… She had been desperate, but still she had meant every single word.

Still he'd left her…

He was indeed cruel, like she'd said, he had changed. He knew, deep down, he was a good man. But back in the days, he had been better, more thoughtful, considerate, but still every inch of his being a true Pirate. He would have done anything to protect her. That was the man who Angelica had fallen in love with, the man who she desperately wanted back, who she desperately wanted to save her…

''As do I, always have, always will''

His own words.

For a second there, he had shown his true self again to her. Along their journey to the Fountain the old Jack had come out again more and more… For Angelica, because of Angelica. He had jumped off a cliff for her, given up the water of the Fountain and therefore a chance at eternal life, all for her.

He had meant it, and she had fallen for him all over again right then and there… He had seen it in her eyes, on the beach of the island, she'd melted… But he had truly meant his words, he had no regrets about saying that.

The only regret he had was never saying those three words directly to her… Whenever he tried to say them, they were always hidden… A hidden message in the actual words he spoke, or his behaviour…

He should have said those words years ago…

 _I'm fine  
_ _Drop tears in the morning  
_ _Give in to the lonely  
_ _Here it comes with no warning  
_ _Capsize, I'm first in the water  
_ _Too close to the bottom  
_ _I'm right back where I started  
_ _Said I'm fine_

 _Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah_  
 _Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey_  
 _Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah_  
 _Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey_

 _Your silhouette is burnt in my memory  
_ _Rubble left from the moment that you left me  
_ _Oh my God, oh my God  
_ _And three words have never come easy  
_ _Cause you're more than they ever could be  
_ _Oh my God, oh my God_

Angelica Teach found herself on a deserted island. Her bottom placed in the burning sand, feet in the water. She was burning up already, even though it was just early in the morning.

She was fine.

Even though the dried tears on her face told another story…

The 5 stages of grief. Denial had come first, when Jack had leaned in for that kiss, for a second she had really convinced herself that she could have got off this island, with him by her side.

The anger had followed right after of course, she had tried to shoot him and had cursed him into the high heavens until she couldn't see his boat anymore…

Then bargaining… There was no else to bargain with but herself… If Jack would come back fast enough for her liking, she would not kill him… She had tried to bargain before… Tried to trick Jack into staying, but to no avail… There was no treasure, nor was she with child… Not that Jack had cared, he had left anyway.

Depression had come this morning, along with the tears… She had fallen asleep the night before exhausted from the screaming, and had only realised when she had woken up what had happened… Jack was gone, and he had taken her love with him…

It was almost as if she could still see his little boat, rowing away from her in the distance… Or maybe she was just going mad with the heat. The image of Jack was burnt into her memory, forever.

She was filled with sadness and hopelessness… She could only hope that the acceptance of the situation, the final stage of grief, would come soon, because right now she couldn't feel anything…

She didn't feel anything, except for the heat. She was not fine… She was broken. The events of yesterday had broken her… She had lost her father, the Fountain, her dignity… And Jack…

Captain Jack Sparrow. That bastard.

The bastard she fell in love with, hard, fast and deeply. Why?

She couldn't believe it, and yet she could… Jack had left her behind, again. What had she expected? If you'd think about it, it would be odd if the situation had turned out differently… This had been meant to be, Jack would always leave her. End of the story.

There were no happy endings in their future…

How stupid of her to think otherwise, even if it had just been for one tiny second… Angelica had never considered herself a dumb person, yet she was… Falling for a notorious Pirate, and worse, telling him how she felt.

She had kept it a secret for years, never telling a single soul about her feelings, even though she wasn't really an expert when it came to hiding them… Whenever she was around Jack, she acted differently, and people could tell… Highly concentrated on her surroundings, snapping at everyone, anxious for Jack's next move, however they still couldn't resist each other. They kept each other on their toes.

But she had never told him in the way she had yesterday. She had uttered those three words…

Telling him made him aware that he was her weakness, but then why had it felt so right? To finally say it… Let it out... Still, apparently it hadn't been enough for him…

He had taken off…

 _How could you have ever known_  
 _If I never let it show, now I just want to know_  
 _Are you?_

Jack knew he had messed it up. He had left the woman he loved the most behind… Without ever telling her how he truly felt… He wondered how she was doing… It was a stupid thing to ask himself that, of course he knew how she was feeling… She was alone, on an island, without food or water, or a bullet…

What would she do if he'd go back, and show her how his heart ached… What a fool he had been… She would smack him in the head with any object at hand, that's what. It would be worth it, though, the pain, anything else than this numbness…

Still he couldn't make himself go back. It was just too complicated. He knew Angelica deserved better than an emotionally stunned Pirate… But what did he deserve, what was it that he needed? A strong woman by his side? What was he supposed to do? In the end, he would never be able to commit anyway… He was meant to be alone…

Jack sighed with frustration. He just needed to sleep. You would think sleep would come easy, with the amount of rum that was in his system. He had rum, he had freedom, but where was his peace?

If he had everything he so desired, then why was his mind filled with thoughts of Angelica?

 _I'm fine  
_ _Drop tears in the morning_ _  
Give in to the lonely  
Here it comes with no warning  
Capsize, I'm first in the water  
Too close to the bottom  
I'm right back where I started  
Said I'm fine_

 _Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah_  
 _Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey_  
 _Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah_  
 _Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey_

 _I'm swimming up against the tide  
Oh my god  
I'm swimming but I'm getting tired  
Oh my god  
I'm swimming up against the tide  
Oh my god  
I'm swimming but I'm getting tired  
Oh my god_

 _Yeah, I'm fine_  
 _Drop tears in the morning_  
 _Give in to the lonely_  
 _Here it comes with no warning (no warning)_  
 _Capsize, I'm first in the water_  
 _Too close to the bottom_  
 _I'm right back where I started_  
 _Said I'm fine_

Angelica felt as if her entire life was meant to be a struggle. It had made her the strong woman she was today, but the she was getting tired of fighting…

As if she was lost on the ocean in a tiny boat, slowly filling up with water with the waves of the tide, and she just needed to balance it out. Like she could capsize any minute, but why would she fight it? She was always the first to hit the water anyway, the first left behind, left for dead…

She was left at a convent as a baby, left to die to save her father, left by Jack multiple times…

Angelica stared at the water in front of her. Water, the ocean, the horizon… Would a ship ever come? How would she survive if none ever came? Could she make a swim for it?

Maybe if she started swimming, a ship could pick her up along the way… Then again, the ocean was spread out for miles in front of her, with sharks, and more Pirates… The one legged man was still out there too, on her father's ship.

At least swimming would put an end to this heat. Maybe even an end to all of this? Swimming against the tides would be madness, so why try it? Just let go, sink to the bottom in the nice and cool water… To literally die at sea, like every Pirate wanted…Fate might even let her drift back to Jack somewhere on the seven seas. Let him see the consequences of his actions. Sweet Revenge.

Angelica could feel fresh tears coming on. She felt so frustrated. What was she thinking? There was more to life than Captain Jack Sparrow. Letting a man control her life… Truth to be told, Angelica had only had two real men in her life, Jack and her father… And truth to be told, they had both controlled her…

Depression. Had the thought of taking her own life just really crossed her mind? Maybe it wasn't just because of controlling men, maybe it was just the easy way out… It would mean peace. Her life had never been normal, what was the point in continuing it?

She just wanted someone to pick her up, in his arms, and feel safe. Feel loved. Her father had never loved her, would rather let her die to save his own skin… Jack had never shown her any emotion, except for lust.

She needed someone to give her a purpose in life, being first mate to her dad or chasing after a man who she once knew would no longer be the purpose of her life.

Angelica eyed the blue water again. She felt embarrassed, it was almost as if she was angry at the water… Honestly, she was just angry with herself for even considering drowning herself in it…

Out of the blue, quite literally, something showed up in the blue water. This time the water would really be her way out, not to end her life, but to give it a twist in a positive way. A tiny Jack Sparrow washed upon the shore…

The VooDoo doll her father made.

She watched it, and picked it up.

Angelica smirked.

This was definitely not the end.

 _Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah_  
 _Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey_  
 _Said I'm fine_  
 _Hey-ey-ey-ey-yeah_  
 _Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey_

 _I think about you, love you, and I'm filled with pride_

Captain Jack Sparrow still hadn't been successful when it came to getting some sleep.

Angelica was still on his mind, and he just couldn't shake it off. It made it difficult to breathe. The more he thought about her, the less oxygen he got, it seemed…

Actually, it seemed as if someone was pressing against his throat. Like someone was trying to strangle him…

Jack tried to get up. This wasn't his 'stirrings' getting in the way… Something was actually blocking his windpipe.

Suddenly it stopped. Jack felt relief, but immediately he got hit in the gut.

He fell back onto the bed. Tossing and turning, struggling.

What was this?

Something kept on striking him all over his body.

Suddenly, Jack let go. He stopped fighting the invisible force. He took the beating, letting the invisible force have its way.

The pain.

Jack smirked. How he loved the pain. He no longer felt numb. He felt a thrill, going through his entire body.

He had no idea how she got it, but he knew exactly what was going on. Angelica had got her hands on the VooDoo doll. Jack couldn't help but feel proud. He had thought her the trick of improvisation well.

''I'm coming for you, Jack''

Her voice. The whisper in his ear felt like a storm wind blowing through his brain, clearing it all out.

He could only hope she would find him soon.

He couldn't wait for this new adventure…

 **XOXXOXXOXXOXXOX**

 **Just a reminder that this will be one-shots, so the next chapter will have nothing to do with this. They might be a bit similar because of the songs I chose, but this 'new adventure' will not have an ending… I know, it's an open ending, and I kind of feel bad about it, but to me it only seemed fair in a way because the character of Angelica will probably always have an open ending anyway in the Pirates of the Caribbean series…**

 **I'm aware that the Angelica character got a little grim at the end, but I just wanted to try out some new perspectives… And I really think, that if I were Angelica, at some point I would be f***cking done with my life too. She has had to go through a lot of sh***t and she is one though woman.**

 **Lyrics: Frenship ft. Emily Warren – Capsize**


	2. I Hate You I Love You

**Black Love Chapter 2:  
I hate you I love you – Gnash ft. Olivia O'Brien**

 **Didn't change the lyrics, they are modern of course, so there is swearing, and it refers to certain things of modern society, that does not fit the age of Pirates. However, I find the vibe of the song very fitting for Angelica x Jack.**

 **XOXXOXXOXXOXXOX**

Men in suits everywhere. Men in black.

He had never really understood the purpose of these tight fitted and fancy clothes… How was one able to function in these?! He couldn't imagine wearing those on a ship…

Captain Jack Sparrow was wearing a suit himself, stolen from some high lord or other who was now spending the rest of the night on the dirty ground, bound, hidden in a bush just outside the gates of the mansion.

And the suit his loyal friend Gibbs was wearing, you ask? A similar story…

Why were they here again? Right, focus.

Jack Sparrow and Joshamee Gibbs were on a mission. A mission that had brought them here, a mansion on the east coast of Spain.

Why were they here? What was this man doing here?

''Jack! There he is!'' Gibbs got Jack's attention.

Jack looked up. There he was. That fat old rich man…

Why did Captain Jack Sparrow follow a rich fat old man around, you ask?

Because this man was important. This man had something in his possession, something Jack wanted… Letters of marque…

Letters of marque. Letters of marque which made it possible to rule the entire ocean! Well, not literally, of course… But the influence would be enormous! And that was something Captain Jack Sparrow was very interested in!

That's why they were here. At Lord James society gathering. To steal the letters of marque.

They fit right in. They had suits on. They had brought some girls with them, to function as their dates.

''Excuse me…'' he charmingly smiled to the girl who happened to be his date…

Jack and Gibbs started their pursuit. They pushed through the crowd. Men, woman, suits, dresses, moustaches… Jack tried to stay focussed, but he kept looking at all these different people.

How could they live like this? So constricted, not only in these clothes, but just this entire façade!

Jack couldn't imagine… Yes, these people were rich… But there was more to life than that, wasn't there? What about the adventures, and freedom?! Besides, as a Pirate, one could always steal all the money one would ever want!

As Jack followed the man he was trying to figure out a plan. There had to be a way of obtaining more information, other than by just following and threatening the man… Besides, it wouldn't be easy to just take the man and bind them like the man outside the gates, with all these people around…

They had to find out more. Where could he keep the papers? It had to be somewhere in this massive mansion…

Maybe they could wander around a bit later…

''What's the plan, Jack? We can't just knock him on the head…'' Gibbs said.

''I know… We need a plan…'' ''I'll think of something, keep an eye out…'' Jack sent Gibbs away.

Just as Jack wanted to go back to his date. Be a part of the crowd, to blend in, to be as close to these people as possible to obtain as much information as possible, he heard the old man speak.

''Mi amor'' just like Jack, the man had an horrible accent…

Jack didn't know why, but for a second he thought of Angelica… How she would always make fun of him whenever he tried to speak Spanish…

Jack watched as the crowd opened up, giving the man some room to greet his wife…

Time stopped. Jack's movement came to an abrupt stop. He couldn't believe his eyes.

The old and wrinkly hands of the man went up her smooth arms to her shoulders, until they reached her cheeks, where he placed a soft kiss with his thin dry lips…

Jack, mind you he wasn't old and wrinkly, but he had done the same, so many times… He knew that body so well, her skin, her… her everything…

Angelica Teach.

What was she doing here? With him!

Finally Jack understood… People would always say you would only want something because the others have it… You don't know that you miss or want it, until you see someone else have it…

Yes, that was exactly what Jack was experiencing now…

He couldn't believe it…

 _Feeling used  
But I'm  
Still missing you  
And I can't  
See the end of this  
Just want to feel your kiss  
Against my lips  
And now all this time  
Is passing by  
But I still can't seem to tell you why  
It hurts me every time I see you  
Realise how much I need you_

Jack blinked. He couldn't stop staring.

For a split second, their eyes met.

Jack's heart nearly stopped. Had she seen him?!

He swiftly turned around and walked away.

How could she still have this hold on him?

* * *

Angelica had in fact seen him.

What was he doing here?

She couldn't believe it… Was this real?

As much as she hated Jack, she couldn't suppress this feeling of excitement…

''What's wrong?'' Lord asked.

''Nothing… Do you want to dance?'' ''I love dancing'' she smiled charmingly.

First, it was not common for a Lady to ask a Lord to dance. It had to be the other way around… Second, this would not help with keeping the Lord off her back…

The man had been pursuing her for the last months… He was rich, and had recently set up a business in Spain, but she wasn't interested in him at all… He was old.

The way he talked to her, an outsider would think she was already his wife…

She despised it. But right now, she could use some company, as she wanted to follow Jack without it being too obvious she was actually following him…

Of course, Lord James quickly took her hand and guided her to the dancefloor.

Soon, Angelica spotted Jack. But he wasn't alone…

Who was she?!

Angelica knew she shouldn't be bothered by this, she should have expected this from Jack.

What had she expected anyway?

Still, it felt as if someone had dropped a giant piece of rock on her heart. Her entire body felt heavy, cold...

Why, Jack?! Why?! Why did he always have to hurt her?! Why, after all these years, did she still feel like this?!

 _I hate you, I love you,  
I hate that I love you  
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you  
I hate you, I love you,  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I'll never be her_

Angelica felt numb. She couldn't fully process what was going on around her… She could barely feel the touches of the slimy old man in front of her…

She didn't really care…

* * *

Jack Sparrow twirled his date around.

She was having the time of her life. She was young, pretty, without a care in the world… Jack, as a real and adventurous man, was all she thought she needed…

Jack, of course, thought otherwise… He knew a different kind of truth… He had ruined a beautiful young girl before…

The girl had turned into a woman, and that woman was now dancing only a few feet away from him…

Jack pretended he was having a good time. He wasn't paying Angelica any mind, he was just dancing with this girl… But, his eyes just couldn't stop wandering to the side… Catching a glimpse of her…

Truth to be told, Jack thought about Angelica sometimes… When he was extremely, the out of his mind kind of, drunk. Or on his bad days, when he would reflect upon the bad things, bad decisions, his regrets… She would even show up in his dreams from time to time, which made him unable to sleep for at least a week after…

 _I miss you when I can't sleep  
Or right after coffee  
Or right when I can't eat  
I miss you in my front seat  
Still got sand in my sweaters  
From nights we don't remember  
Do you miss me like I miss you?  
Fucked around and got attached to you  
Friends can break your heart too,  
And I'm always tired but never of you  
If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit  
I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that shit  
I type a text but then I never mind that shit  
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit  
Oh oh, keep it on the low  
You're still in love with me but your friends don't know  
If you wanted me you would just say so  
And if I were you, I would never let me go_

It was weird…

You could ask Jack Sparrow about Angelica Teach, on any moment, on any second on any day, and he wouldn't be faced by it… But right this instant… His heart ached.

Well, maybe it didn't ache as much… It was just an uneasy feeling… He was faced with his own stupidity… It was looking him straight in the eye… Ever letting her go…

Regret.

Jack looked to the side again. Angelica was staring back. You could see the hurt in her eyes, as she eyed his date…

They were both with somebody else, and yet they were still looking at each other…

Angelica's expression turned to an angry one, her hatred for Jack resurfacing… Just the entire situation…

Jack showed her a small grin. Not his usual grin, not the smug one, almost a sympathetic one… I'm sorry. I miss you.

A little apologetic smile…

I'm not here to hurt you. I promise. She means nothing to me. I want you.

In another universe things could have been different… They would be together. Married… Children, maybe… By her side, forever.

 _I hate you, I love you,  
I hate that I love you  
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you  
I hate you, I love you,  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I'll never be her_

 _I don't mean no harm_  
 _I just miss you on my arm_  
 _Wedding bells were just alarms_  
 _Caution tape around my heart_  
 _You ever wonder what we could have been?_  
 _You said you wouldn't and you fucking did_  
 _Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix_  
 _Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed_  
 _Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing_  
 _Sometimes you got to burn some bridges just to create some distance_  
 _I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing_  
 _But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings_  
 _When love and trust are gone_  
 _I guess this is moving on_  
 _Everyone I do right does me wrong_  
 _So every lonely night I sing this song_

* * *

The dance led the dancing couples across the floor. Bringing the two couples closer together.

Angelica could feel her heart beat faster. She could only hope that the thing she feared wouldn't happen…

But it did.

Changer.

They had to change dance partners, and of course Angelica found herself in the arms of Jack Sparrow.

''What are you doing here?!'' she hissed.

''Hello, luv'' Jack smiled.

Angelica deliberately stepped on his foot.

''I'm here for certain letters of marque… Something to do with the entire ocean…Captain Jack Sparrow, remembered forever...'' Jack quickly answered, before he would get hurt again.

Angelica shot him an angry glare.

''I'm sure you know where they are'' ''I do have to say, I never would have guessed you liked the elder men that much…'' Jack said.

Jack was older than Angelica. But still at least 2 decades younger than Lord James.

''He's not my husband! This is not my house!'' she defended.

''Well, that's unfortunate… Now, I actually have to look for it…'' ''However, that's a relief to hear.'' He grinned and drew her in a bit closer.

''Shut up, Sparrow. You lost that position a long time ago.'' Angelica struggled against his grip.

''What are you doing with her anyway?'' of course she would ask about the girl...

''Jealous, luv'' Jack grinned.

''I hate you'' she spat.

 _I hate you, I love you,  
I hate that I love you  
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you  
I hate you, I love you,  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I'll never be her_

Changer.

Before Jack could even give a response, he stared back into the face of the young girl again… The dance had changed the game once again…

Angelica was back with the Lord.

She just wanted to kick Jack, hit Jack, scream at him. How could you do this to me? You leave me, and end up with her?!

She watched as Jack twirled the girl round, and she ignored the attempts of the Lord. She wasn't in the mood for spinning, her whole world had already spun out of control…

 _All alone I watch you watch her  
Like she's the only girl you've ever seen  
You don't care you never did  
You don't give a damn about me  
Yeah all alone I watch you watch her  
She is the only thing you ever see  
How is it you never notice  
That you are slowly killing me_

* * *

The end of the night had come.

Angelica followed the crowd outside. It was time to go home, alone. Maybe it was dangerous, as a woman alone, but she didn't care… She needed a walk in the cold night air after tonight's events…

Getting rid of the Lord had been rather easy. He had had too much to drink, he could probably not even remember his own name, Angelica was the last thing on his mind…

Angelica walked out of the mansion and descended the steps. Before she even had properly descended them, someone pulled her to the side of the building, in the dark…

She was pushed against the wall and lips hungrily attacked hers. She immediately kissed the attacker back. She knew it was him. Of course, it had to be him…

It seemed to last forever, but before she knew it Jack had already pulled away.

Angelica hadn't even been able to look at him properly, because he had already caught up with Gibbs and the girl again... The two had probably not even noticed that Jack had been gone…

Jack walked away as if nothing had happened. Angelica watched him walk off, and could just see how he quickly stuffed something in his pocket. The letters of marque…

Of course, he was Captain Jack Sparrow, after all… He would always get what he wanted.

Once again, Captain Jack Sparrow walked out of her life…

With one hand in his pocket and the other on the shoulder of somebody else…

 _I hate you, I love you,  
I hate that I love you  
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you  
I hate you, I love you  
I hate that I want you  
You want her, you need her  
And I'll never be her_

 **XOXXOXXOXXOXXOX**

 **Lyrics: Gnash ft. Olivia O'Brien – I hate you I love you**


	3. Lost On You

**I know I need to update Ballads Of Love sooner than later, but I just needed to finally write this one…**

 **Wrote this with the song on repeat, love it so much!**

 **Black Love Chapter 3:  
Lost On You – LP**

 **XOXXOXXOXXOXXOX**

 _When you get older, plainer, saner  
Will you remember all the danger  
We came from?  
Burning like embers, falling, tender  
Longing for the days of no surrender  
Years ago  
And will you know_

It's only when you look back on things, you realise they weren't what you thought they were.

They weren't adventures. They were life threatening situations…

It wasn't love…

Once you've realised that, the only thing you want most is to go back.

The truth is hard. The truth hurts.

You want to go back to those innocent and naïve days… It's better to live your life like a blind man, but a happy man, than to face the stone cold truth…

Or is it?

 _So smoke 'em if you got 'em_  
 _'Cause it's going down_  
 _All I ever wanted was you_  
 _I'll never get to heaven_  
 _'Cause I don't know how_

Sometimes you don't know anymore…

So, you drink. Drinking usually helps…

Angelica Teach wasn't much of a drinker, but it did help sometimes…

It would make her forget. All her mistakes…

How she had wasted her entire life on one man…

She could have gone to heaven, devoted her life to God. Now, her life was Hell without him…

Not Him, she didn't miss praying or reading the Bible… She was convinced she would go to Hell now anyway, she had wasted her shot to earn her spot in paradise…

She would believe and pray in her own way… There had to be something or someone out their listening…

Maybe it was Jack, somewhere lost on the seven seas…

Would he care?

Would she want to listen to her thoughts?

Would he be the light to guide her? Whilst he had been the one to leave her in the dark…

 _Let's raise a glass or two_  
 _To all the things I've lost on you_  
 _Oh-oh_  
 _Tell me are they lost on you?_  
 _Oh-oh_  
 _Just that you could cut me loose_  
 _Oh-oh_  
 _After everything I've lost on you_  
 _Is that lost on you?_

 _Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh_  
 _Oh-oh-oh-oh_  
 _Is that lost on you?_  
 _Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh_  
 _Baby, is that lost on you?_  
 _Is that lost on you?_

She hated him.

Sometimes she hated him, or maybe she hated herself more…For ever believing in him, trusting him… She didn't know.

How she had literally given everything up for him, and still she was here on her own.

Left alone by Jack.

He had just dropped her on an island, and had never looked back…

How much she had lost because of that bastard…

Her virginity, her innocence, her father, her happiness, her sanity, her life…

Her heart…

 _Wishin' I could see the machinations_  
 _Understand the toil of expectations_  
 _In your mind_  
 _Hold me like you never lost your patience_  
 _Tell me that you love me more than hate me_  
 _All the time_  
 _And you're still mine_

Sometimes she wished for him to come back, but at the same time she didn't…

It wouldn't help… He could hold her, tell her he loved her, but it wouldn't mean a thing, it would be too late…

It wasn't about the future, there were no happy endings in her future…

It was about turning back time… Changing her reality, changing the harsh truth… Turing it around…

She wished he would have never left her. That he would have stayed.

That he was still here with her.

And always had been.

All these years without him…

The life they could have had…

Why had he ever left her? She just couldn't understand. What had she ever done to make him leave?

She had loved him once. And he had known.

He knew. He was out here somewhere, knowing that she was here. Alone. Probably one of the few who had ever truly loved him. For everything he was. And still he had let her go…

All she had ever wanted was him.

 _So smoke 'em if you got 'em_  
 _'Cause it's going down_  
 _All I ever wanted was you_  
 _Let's take a drink of heaven_  
 _This can turn around_

 _Let's raise a glass or two_  
 _To all the things I've lost on you_  
 _Oh-oh_  
 _Tell me are they lost on you?_  
 _Oh-oh_  
 _Just that you could cut me loose_  
 _Oh-oh_  
 _After everything I've lost on you_  
 _Is that lost on you?_

 _Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh_  
 _Oh-oh-oh-oh_  
 _Is that lost on you?_  
 _Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh_  
 _Baby, is that lost on you?_  
 _Is that lost on you?_

 _Let's raise a glass or two_  
 _To all the things I've lost on you_  
 _Oh-oh_  
 _Tell me are they lost on you?_  
 _Oh-oh_  
 _Just that you could cut me loose_  
 _Oh-oh_  
 _After everything I've lost on you_  
 _Is that lost on you?_  
 _Is that lost on you?_

Now, she sat in a dark corner in a tavern somewhere in London… She hadn't heard from Jack ever since she got off that island…

She liked to come here sometimes, to reminisce… Sitting in a dark corner of a tavern, having a drink or two, and looking at the men…

How they resembled Jack… Almost all of them looking for female company and the amount of rum that could fill a ship's cargo hold…

Sometimes, she just needed to see that… Because once in a while, she did miss him. It was almost as he was there, like he would appear in the crowd, the crowd of this type of men, this type of sailor…

Everything she despised… Sometimes she needed to remember why it was a good thing she had moved on… How these men acted as if the world revolved around them, how they treated women…

Just for one evening she would let herself go back to those days… She'd travel 10 years back in time, to the exact moment where she had laid eyes on Captain Jack Sparrow again, in the Captain's Daughter…

Nothing had changed much, nothing ever changed much around here… Consuming alcohol and getting engaged with certain ladies of the night wasn't something that needed to evolve to survive… There would always be a place for that in the society…

So Angelica just sat, frozen in time, drank, watched, and listened for any kind of news... If she was lucky she would even hear some rumours about where The Black Pearl was headed next! According to some stories its Captain was already dead… The notorious Captain,after all previous attempts, finally eliminated...

Angelica didn't want to know…

Jack would be locked away, in the back of her mind, he was practically dead to her anyway… Except for these nights, where he would appear in the drunken smirk on every single one of these men their faces…

And yet, they could never hold a candle to her Captain Jack Sparrow…

 **XOXXOXXOXXOXXOX**

 **Her Captain Jack… Aaaawwwwhh Damn! My own Feels!**

 **Really short, but I had to get this out of my mind and on paper.**

 **Lyrics: Lost On You – LP**


	4. Shattered

**Fret not! Have just started on a new chapter for Ballads of Love!  
Don't know when I will be able to finish that, though…  
I mean, I had this one-shot going for almost a month!**

 **This time around, I put the lyrics up front. They are foreshadowing what will happen in the next parts of the chapter if you like…**

 **Black Love Chapter 4:  
Shattered – Trading Yesterday**

 **XOXXOXXOXXOXXOX  
**

 _Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding  
Fall into your sunlight  
The future's open wide, beyond believing  
To know why, hope dies  
Losing what was found, a world so hollow  
Suspended in a compromise  
The silence of this sound, is soon to follow  
Somehow, sundown_

He couldn't recall why he had decided to come here. Yet, it had been the first thing on his mind.

Well, the first thing once the smoke had settled in his restless mind… When it had all hit him… The realisation.

The unthinkable…

She needed to know. She had the right to know. Even though he couldn't properly justify why…

She had been the woman to keep him sane. His saviour in human, female form. The woman who probably would have been able to prevent all this, if Jack had not let everything slip through his calloused and bony fingers once again… He had known from the first moment that he had met her. This was it. He had immediately taken a liking to her.

Jack. His heart. Her heart…

He could only imagine… Would she even care?

He knew the girl. She most likely would. Despite her resentment, perhaps even hatred, she was practically obliged to care, by her Catholic nature.

Honour the dead. Care for them. Pray for their souls. Ferry their souls through the layers of the atmosphere, up to God, the saviour, through prayer.

He doubted if his son's soul would ever reach that destination… His own probably wouldn't either…

Here the weary man stood, in front of a door of some dwelling in London. Supposedly, her dwellings… Waiting for a reply.

He had crossed the oceans to find her. Scoured the Caribbean, Spain, the world, to eventually end up here in London. He wondered what she was doing here…

Maybe her late father had left her some possessions here, the house, or some estate… Maybe she had just wanted to get away from the Caribbean, as far away as possible…

The door opened.

''Captain Teague?'' her surprise was understandable.

''Angelica, hello'' his brain had stopped.

''What-?'' Angelica attempted to inquire about his purpose when her attention was diverted to a sound behind her.

A little girl, about three years old, cautiously shuffled to the door, to her mother.

Angelica's eyes snapped to the old man in front of her. He knew. She knew he knew.

The little beauty was the spitting image of her mother; but nonetheless, Teague knew instantly: his eyes were observing his grandchild. It was in her sweet, small, precious face. He could see Jack's mischief. Her eyes sparkled with wanderlust, secrets yet to be disclosed, the excitement of adventure…

''Jack's dead.'' The words were out.

They hung in the air between them, like an almost palpable puff of smoke following a breath let out in the winter freeze…

''I'm very sorry'' Teague numbly spoke the words as he watched her hand, clear of any wedding bands, tremble on the doorknob.

Teague didn't know what to tell her next. How the Pearl had disappeared, only to resurface, but without Jack on it? How the Pearl had been seen in numerous locations, still without a trace of Jack, to this day? How the stories gradually developed into the kind of news no father ever wished to hear? The Captain of The Black Pearl, infamous Captain Jack Sparrow, was dead. His son was dead.

''Mami?'' the little girl pulled on the neat skirt her mother was wearing.

''Not now, Marisa. Por favor, go back inside'' Angelica's voice trembled.

The little girl took one final gander at Teague before obediently turning around.

''No, I'm very sorry- Sir- I-I…'' her face had turned pale.

''Good day, Angelica'' the noble Captain tipped his head in his conventional fashion and wandered off into the streets of London.

He couldn't stay put and watch the single tear roll down her left cheek.

 _And finding answers  
Is forgetting all of the questions we called home  
Passing the graves of the unknown_

The volume of his life had been turned down. His senses were no longer the same.

Even here in Tortuga, surrounded by sounds of mirth and revelry, his mind was completely blank.

A piece of his soul had died: his son, and the father's lust for life with it…

The most difficult dimension of all of this was that the undefeatable Pirate had actually been defeated…

Jack had been like a cat throughout his entire life, always escaping some grim fate by the skin of his teeth. His nine lives had run out…

Teague was seated at the small table, rum in hand.

Tortuga hadn't changed. Why would it? Jack was gone, but there were plenty of other men still out there…

Captain Teague looked around the room. He hadn't even touched his rum…

''I'm telling ya- mate! Spain! The lasses in Spain are wonderful!'' he overheard two men talking.

''Your lass must be pleased with that! You talking 'bout some Spanish strumpets...'' the man replied.

''I don't have a lass!'' the voice of the other sounded familiar…

''I had a lass once, though… A Spanish one, at that…'' It almost sounded like Jack's, but he knew that couldn't be true…

''I see…'' the man chuckled.

''Angelica, her name was…'' Teague his eyes popped out of his head upon hearing this!

Jack?! It had to be Jack!

The old Pirate jumped up. He pushed everything and everyone out of his way. He followed the sound.

''Jack?!'' Captain Edward Teague was looking right at Captain Jack Sparrow.

His son. Alive.

''Dad?'' Jack was surprised.

''What are ye doing here?! Your dead!'' Teague cried.

''I don'know… I-m'ght'ave been drunk'' ''Fa quite s'me time now, actu'ally'' Jack grinned.

''Jack! They all think you're dead!'' Teague tried to talk some sense into his son.

Jack just laughed.

''Oi! Me dad knows Angelica too! Dad, tell 'em! She gorgeous, isn'she?'' Captain Sparrow turned his attention to the other man.

''Jack!'' His father slapped him across the face and poured his untouched rum over his head.

Jack coughed and shook his head frantically.

''Thank you.'' He needed that.

Ever since the ordeal with the Pearl he had lost his reason. Captain Jack Sparrow had never been an ordinary man, but this was different…

He had lost the Pearl, but she'd returned to him, from the depths. Only God knew why… His love had returned to him.

It had put things into perspective. He loved an inanimate object… He was a Captain. It was an innate quality. He loved his ship. However, that did not mean he was incapable of love for another soul.

In effect, he had a second love besides his beloved Pearl. A woman. His Spanish lass. The lass he'd lost… Jack had never been a sentimental guy, and maybe that was why it bothered him this much… He couldn't stop thinking about Angelica…

He knew it was his fault. But why couldn't she return to him as well?!

''Dad… I'm in this kind offehh- predicament…'' the son confessed to his father.

His father raised his eyebrows. Whenever was his son not in some kind of predicament?

''Angelica, you seem she's ehr- she's vexing me… In me head'' he whispered.

''Son, about Angelica…'' The father held a grim countenance.

I know- I know, you've told me many times! Maybe it's the rum, but- I- I truly think that this time- I'll do it- I'' the younger Pirate rambled on.

''I've found Angelica…'' the older Pirate interrupted.

''Oh-How wonderful! Where is she?'' Jack inquired.

''Jack- You don't understand. She thinks you're dead'' Teague explained.

''Why would she think that?!'' the Sparrow asked, indignantly.

''Because I told her. I thought you were dead!'' ''But- son, there's more… She has a daughter'' The father looked at his son.

''Whot?! How dare she?!'' ''She's married to some Spanish drip?!'' Jack felt offended.

He was the best out there! Of course, he had not right… He had left her…

''Jack. She wasn't wearing a wedding ring… The kid is around three years old…'' Captain Teague could only hope his son would understand…

Three. Three years ago…

''Can't be.'' Jack brushed it off.

''We went to the fountain together three years ago. She was not married, nor with child. I was with-'' he stopped mid-sentence…

''I'm with child. Yours!'' ''You were drunk!'' Angelica's voice echoed in his head.

Had he really ever been that drunk?!

Mother Mary of the seven seas… Had they really- And he couldn't remember?! He wished his father would slap him again…

''I have a kid?'' ''I have to go!'' Captain Sparrow rose from his seat.

''No. You'r gonna sit here. 'N talk to me.'' ''Without rum.'' Teague said sternly.

There was a lot to tell…

 _As reason clouds my eyes, with splendour fading  
Illusions of the sunlight  
And a reflection of a lie, will keep me waiting  
With love gone, for so long  
And this day's ending  
Is the proof of time killing, all the faith I know  
Knowing that faith, is all I hold_

He couldn't believe he was here.

He couldn't believe what he was about to do.

He couldn't believe it.

Inhale. Exhale.

He was a notorious Pirate. Was he scared? What for?

He was officially dead, anyway…

Yet, he wasn't. It was the sole purpose of him being here.

To put it right.

Captain Jack Sparrow took a step forward and knocked on the door in front of him.

She opened the door. Beautiful as ever.

Her eyes got wide. They were filled with sadness, distress, fear…

Captain Jack Sparrow. He was dead.

Who was this?! This man looked exactly like him… Every single feature on his handsome face…

''Angelica'' he spoke with an identical voice.

''What?! What do you want?!'' ''What is your purpose here?!'' this couldn't be true…

''Sweetness…'' Jack took a step inside.

''Don't call me that.'' Angelica backed away from him.

''Look. I don't know who told you what, but consider your con played.'' She tried to sound determined.

She didn't believe it was him… She thought he was some kind of con man…

A trap. A cruel trick of the mind.

He needed to go, but the man showed no intent of leaving…

''I don't know who you are, but you have to leave. Please.'' Without another word, she pushed the door close, pushing Jack back over the threshold with it…

Angelica rested her head against the door, trying to breathe.

''¿Mami, que pasó? Mummy, don't cry.'' A small, warm, soft hand touched her knee.

''I'm fine, mi corazón'' The mother lifted her daughter up and kissed her cheek.

She walked away from the door.

If only she could believe it herself…

Jack was left standing on the other side of the door, with nothing…

 _And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand  
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love  
Without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on  
But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning  
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart  
Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent  
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain  
All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over  
There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones  
To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all  
_

It was late at night when the man returned.

The loud rapping on the door had startled Marisa.

''Angelica! Angelica!'' the banging continued.

Angelica knew that voice… The voice that had called her name so many times before, in what seems a lifetime ago…

No. He was dead. This was just some cur who enjoyed tugging at her already broken heart strings…

Angelica took her sword. She'd kept it. She was a woman, alone with her daughter, after all… She did not enjoy surprises like these…

''Marisa, stay there! Mummy will be right back!'' she ran down the hall.

As she got closer to the door, the beating got louder.

Angelica opened the door once again. However, she stuck her sword out first this time.

''Angeli-'' the banging stopped.

It was that man again… The man who looked exactly like Jack... The man who sounded exactly like Jack…

If you didn't know any better, you would think it was Jack!

''Ye look lovely'' was all he could say.

The man took a step inside again. He blocked the door this time.

''You're drunk.'' Angelica took a step back, guarding herself.

It was true. He had drunk a bit. Jack hadn't known what to do. Drinking had seemed a good solution… But he regretted that now.

''At least not as drunk as last time…'' Jack grinned a timid grin.

''Who are you?!'' Tears were welling up in her eyes.

Last time…

He looked so real. His looks. His behaviour.

''Who am I?! I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!'' he replied.

Angelica still held her sword close.

Jack sighed.

''I'm the man who was stupid enough to let people think I'm dead. I'm the man who was stupid enough to let you go.'' ''I'm the man who is stupid enough to forget the last time his hands were allowed to touch your luscious body because he's drunk…'' Captain Sparrow ogled her body.

''You think I'm dead. I know what my father told ye- but I'm not. It's me, Angelica. I'm Jack.'' He gently tugged the sword from her grip.

''Jack?'' Angelica whispered.

Without further ado, she launched herself into his arms and kissed him passionately. It didn't take Jack a second to reply to her kiss. He dropped the sword, lifted her up and pushed her up against the opposite wall.

It was getting more and more difficult to breathe, but Angelica didn't care. She didn't want to stop.

He was here. He was alive. He was… Jack.

'Mami?'' Marisa had appeared from hiding.

Angelica gasped. She jumped down and pushed Jack away.

''What time is it? You need to be in bed!'' She started to bustle around, cheeks bright red.

''Is that her?'' Jack curiously followed the two girls.

''Not now, Jack.'' Angelica ushered her daughter towards her room.

''¿Quién es?'' Angelica didn't want to answer her daughter.

''Who's that?'' Marisa asked again.

''No one.'' her mother said, curtly.

'''Gelica!'' Jack pressed.

''Stay here.'' She ordered the Pirate.

She took Marisa to her bedroom and tugged her in.

 _And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand  
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love  
Without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on  
But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning  
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart  
Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent  
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain  
All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over  
There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones  
To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all_

Fortunately, her daughter was an easy kid.

She didn't whine much. She didn't ask for much. She didn't protest.

Of course, she had asked her mother a couple of questions about the man in their house, but Angelica had been able to divert them and had just given her a goodnight kiss and left.

She returned to the room, only to find it empty.

Where was Jack?

Had he gone, once again? Had she dreamt it all?

Angelica shook her head. Maybe it was time for her to go to bed as well…

She entered her bedroom and closed the door behind her. She turned around and was faced with Captain Jack Sparrow.

Angelica yelped.

''God, Jack!'' Hand on her chest, her heart was beating rapidly.

''You haven't told her about me?'' Jack asked.

''She knows she has a father, Jack. He's at sea.'' Angelica answered.

''That's very admirable of ye, luv'' Captain Sparrow was impressed.

There was a lot more to tell. Angelica had decided not to speak of all the bad things Marisa's father had done.

''Did ye tell her I was dead?'' Another question.

''No- I couldn't-I'' her voice was reduced to a whisper.

''Sweetness…'' he gently lifted her chin with his finger in order to make her look at him.

Once again, it was all it took. That one look. Her lips crashed upon his, and his upon hers. It was a battle for dominance, air, and a hold on the other, hands roaming through hair. Jack was never letting go. Not this time. He was done with fighting, done with running…

Angelica let go of his dreads. She hung unto his collar and brought him down with her. Jack swiftly untangled his hands out of her trashes and supported himself on the bed, hovering over her, trying not to crush her.

Clothes were discarded of, piece by piece, until their bare bodies were pressed together.

''I've missed you, luv'' Captain Jack Sparrow was finally one again with his love.

''You'd better not forget this time, Sparrow'' Angelica moaned.

''Never'' The Pirate whispered.

Angelica was convinced that the legs of her bed would give way soon. This bed had never been used in such a manner. It had never been purchased with the intention either! It was practically a piece of refuse she had found somewhere at a marketplace.

She was a single mother! The last time she'd been with a man had been with Jack himself, on The Queen Anne's Revenge, three years ago!

The bed repeatedly thumped against the wall. It creaked and whined under the pressure of the weight of the two of them and their incessant writhing.

The sound it made… The sounds they made… She could only hope that Marisa wouldn't hear… She would have a lot of explaining to do in the morning…

After five times, she really couldn't give any more. They lay side by side, breathing hard, panting… Jack pulled her closer and Angelica rested her head upon his chest.

She closed her eyes. She could feel Jack's heartbeat against his chest. It was slowing down. The rhythm made her feel at ease… Suddenly, her eyes snapped back open. His heart. His beating, blood-pumping heart. Right there, the sound beating in her ears…

He wasn't dead. It had all been a bad dream. Jack was not dead.

Before she could prevent it from happening, Angelica started to cry. He hadn't cried for him. Ever since Captain Teague had told her the news, she hadn't cried one single time, except for that one tear…

She hadn't been able to. She had known that once she would start, she would not be able to stop… She couldn't let Marisa see her like that… It required explanations…

Now, all those held-in tears finally rose to the surface.

''Don't cry, sweetness'' ''It's bad for my ego… Like it was no good?'' He knew it wasn't the reason for her crying…

Angelica didn't respond. She just wrapped his arms around his torso and hugged him tightly.

''The lies you told me were not lies, ey?'' ''You were with child… 'M sorry luv, you weren't very convincing…'' ''I'd never maroon a damsel in distress, thought you could fend for yourself'' Jack spoke truthfully.

Angelica sniffled, just listening to his deep voice coming from within his chest.

''What's her name?'' ''Marisa, is it?'' he questioned.

''Yes'' she mumbled.

''It's Spanish? Does it mean anythin'?'' at least it was still fairly easy to pronounce…

''Of the sea'' she whispered.

Captain Jack Sparrow was stunned. His daughter. Of the sea. It was beautiful.

''Angelica?'' he whispered back.

''Hmm?'' The Spanish beauty turned her gaze to him.

''The lies I told you were no lies either… I want ya to know that.'' ''I love you. Always have. Always will.'' Truly.

He meant every word.

 _Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding  
Fall into your sunlight_ **  
**

 **XOXXOXXOXXOXXOX**

 **Kinda cheesy, I know…**

 **Kinda long as well!**

 **Rating's fine the way it is, right?**

 **xx**


End file.
